The first thing I do when I wake up is pray. I close my eyes and recite my fears, hopes, and praises to someone I’m not even sure exists. Then at night, before I go to sleep, I kneel at the foot of my bed, and do the same. Every. Single. Day. I spend so much energy and time believing in something I don’t know exists and I CAN’T know exists.

Is that what faith is? A measure of trust, of strength? Am I wrong if I am not faithful?

How can someone be so trusting? Be so sure about something so abstract. There is no rationality behind God - no logic or reasoning, no simple formula that could help one navigate the bounds of religion.

The delicate dance of science and faith, the head against the heart, somehow strengthens the arguments against God - because what can’t be proved, must not be believed, right? This festering hesitation and doubt tear away at the threads of conviction, leading us away from God, when in fact true faith is the acceptance that there will be some things the heart will believe but the head won’t be able to explain - that on some level you know something is true, but you cannot prove it to the warring voices in your head - that you do not have to prove it to the voices in your head.

The priest who devotes every drop of his being to devotion, the monk who sits in silence for years with no company in the world. Do they not contemplate? When they spend their whole lives serving their higher power, do they not question his existence, or his intentions? Is the God they pray to partial, cherry picking among his greatest followers those who pray for that extra minute, hour, year?

There’s a sort of freedom in knowledge - a familiar comfort in knowing. You can’t have faith in something you know, something definite and proven. Faith is more elusive, an intangible - It is found, not followed; earned not learned - there are no rules that confine it - nothing that restricts its bounds. That in itself, the abstract bridge to faith, is both a blessing and a curse.

I dream in color, but I wake to worlds of black and white. Worlds of division and injustice, suffering and strife - isn’t a God supposed to protect humans? How is it that when I wake up, I realize my dreams are better than my reality? That my world of light and joy disappears when my alarm clock rings? And if God has made humans, why has he made them so flawed? So deeply imperfect and so capable of causing pain? If hardships are meant to make us stronger, why do millions leave life behind incomplete?

But what is a life without challenges? The hardships shape our lives, amplify every emotion and moment so that we are truly living, truly appreciating what we have. A man who walks through a journey with no hurdles is nothing but a shell of what he could be. He leaves satisfied, he leaves unscathed, but there is no real emotion behind his eyes. Because the contempt he feels is merely material. The emotions he has do not echo in his soul or leave behind a message, a mark - a learning. Fear and greed, the two core emotions that exist within us. A common man will battle these all his life. But what protects him, and steers him on the right path is his faith. So, as he stays precariously perched between the gates of heaven and hell, he feels enough. He feels at peace with the path he’s on. And that is the gift faith gives us.

God created this Earth, in all its beauty and capability. He created humans, the cleverest creatures who would propel the world into new heights of complexity and development. And he watched humans, his dearest creation, drive it into the ground. He watched the bloodshed and suffering on an unimaginable level and stepped back to let it unfold. Still, we cannot blame him for this world, because somehow we are the ones who set it on fire. Is that what we are to believe? That the creator of our universe was just that, a creator? And now it is up to us to shape this narrative of the world? Then what is the use of having a higher power like God?

God is a presence in which to seek solace, not answers. He provides a constant support that’s quiet, and unspoken, but free to those who choose to accept it. This is the blessing of faith. It allows us to separate ourselves from our struggles, offloading part of our burdens onto this God, and traverse through life knowing we aren’t isolated.

I suppose I find comfort in knowing I have someone looking out for me. Yes, we do have family and friends that love and support us. Still, believing in a higher power, someone of omnipotent power - knowing of the very intricacies of life and the future that awaits - that is what truly gives me comfort. It gives me strength.

A Discussion about God and Faith - A Poem